i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
