Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
