fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
