her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
