Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
This is my gift to your gina
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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