My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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