y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
