Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
