Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
