This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Randomize
