Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
the day after is always just damage control
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
