it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
