Apparently you make a good broom.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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