glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
