God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
