Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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