thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
