i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
