very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
