At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Let's paint friendship bongs
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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