Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
