ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
