I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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