therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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