If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
