Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
