Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
