Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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