ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
