There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
