That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
