I accidentally had phone sex last night
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
