My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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