Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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