I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm passing your future prison.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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