she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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