from now on my penis is your penis
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
