Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
