So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I am naked and annoyed.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
