I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just invented taco cereal.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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