she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
