I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
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