Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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