She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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