I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i think i have two assholes
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
