dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Randomize
