Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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