My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
