I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
