i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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