At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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