now i know why i became what i already was.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
