apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
